Impatience: an excuse?

A common stereotype of Intensive Care nurses is that we are impatient. I, for one, have said many times, “I’m impatient, I’m an ICU nurse.” However, I have decided that this is an excuse; a weakness; a crutch, that I have been using to deem my impatience appropriate. I have realized that, as many of my reactions to my emotions have been recently, my impatience and how I manage it is actually inappropriate.

Accepting this fact was hard. I have known that I need to reign in my emotions but actually admitting that I have a problem and deciding to do what I can to fix it was unbearably disheartening.

How did I end up this way? By putting my trust in the wrong people and those people betraying that trust. Not only my ex, who destroyed me, but also those I used to call my closest friends. However, my biggest obstacle is now my strained and almost non-existent relationship with our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Three things that went well yesterday:

  1. I went to Mass
  2. I completed certification preps for the next couple weeks
  3. I was able to be a listening ear for a patient’s family member in need

How do I deal with the feelings of betrayal and isolation that past traumas have created? How do I overcome those obstacles in order to even begin to foster a relationship with Christ? I have never had such a huge barrier between me and His Peace. I have never heard such silence whenever I reach out to listen to His Voice.

Practice, perseverance, self-knowledge….some things that should help me.

Dear Lord, please help me find you. In your name I pray, Amen.



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