A common stereotype of Intensive Care nurses is that we are impatient. I, for one, have said many times, “I’m impatient, I’m an ICU nurse.” However, I have decided that this is an excuse; a weakness; a crutch, that I have been using to deem my impatience appropriate. I have realized that, as many of my reactions to my emotions have been recently, my impatience and how I manage it is actually inappropriate.
Accepting this fact was hard. I have known that I need to reign in my emotions but actually admitting that I have a problem and deciding to do what I can to fix it was unbearably disheartening.
How did I end up this way? By putting my trust in the wrong people and those people betraying that trust. Not only my ex, who destroyed me, but also those I used to call my closest friends. However, my biggest obstacle is now my strained and almost non-existent relationship with our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Three things that went well yesterday:
- I went to Mass
- I completed certification preps for the next couple weeks
- I was able to be a listening ear for a patient’s family member in need
How do I deal with the feelings of betrayal and isolation that past traumas have created? How do I overcome those obstacles in order to even begin to foster a relationship with Christ? I have never had such a huge barrier between me and His Peace. I have never heard such silence whenever I reach out to listen to His Voice.
Practice, perseverance, self-knowledge….some things that should help me.
Dear Lord, please help me find you. In your name I pray, Amen.