Did they look at it? Did he see my snap? Have they added something to their story?
Snapchat. More like Anxietychat. Every once in a while social media feeds into my anxiety, making it worse than I can handle. I’ve deactivated Facebook more than a few times and I no longer receive notifications on my phone from it. What is this stemming from, you ask? Relationships that have taken a turn for the worse. Not knowing why the other person no longer wishes me to be in their life yet still seeing all about their “awesome” life through Facebook. It’s gaining a sense of peace and control when you know where they are at and what they’re doing. Or completely losing that peace and control when you find out where they are and what they’re doing. It’s seeing that this person who was once a big part of your life is moving on and having fun without any regards to you…
It’s not fun. It’s extremely anxiety provoking. It’s unnerving. It’s debilitating. It’s also extremely shallow. Why do I have to give these people anymore of my time and energy than I already have? What have they done to deserve so much of my effort? Nothing. In fact, quite the opposite. They walked out. They didn’t want to be involved with my life anymore. Why do I have to have theirs shoved in my face? I don’t. I deserve more.
So…Snapchat…I enjoy it for the fun filters. And that’s about it. I have decided that I do not like the app overall and it needed to go. For several reasons. #1…getting over a guy …also, I am happy and feel special when I receive a snap…and then that feeling goes away when I see the person added it to their story also… but ultimately, why do I need something like this to live? Why do these people need snapshots of my life? If they wanted that, they would actively seek out to have a shot in my life. As it is, 90% of them could care less about my life. They just want to show off their lives. And, isn’t that what I am doing too? Showing off my life to others…also letting other people keep tabs on me?
Sure, it’s nice to keep in touch with people I never get to see. But shouldn’t I limit who I let into my life? Why do I feel the need to show off my life to others? That’s exactly what I was raised not to do.
So, I deleted Snapchat. Do I feel better? Yes. However, I’m still getting over this guy. I started using Snapchat because of him. That seemed to be the main way he communicated. Well, he didn’t want anything more than a warm body to get him through his recent break up. I’m not about that life. I had to say good-bye. Which was harder than I thought it would be. I did not think I would like him this much. But I ended up liking him..a lot. I enjoyed his presence in my life and I, right now, I am sad without it. It takes all I have not to include him in my life..to not ask if he wants to do something..to keep him at arm’s length…why is it always over a stupid guy? How do I keep falling for this? Do I not think highly of myself? Do I not think I deserve the best? Why do I feel like I have to lower my standards just to be able to find someone to share my life with?
I shouldn’t. In fact, I am worse off when I do. So I get to live the single life until God deems it’s the right time to bring along a guy that I won’t have to lower my standards for, that I won’t have to feel like I’m chasing and doing all the work, that won’t let me fall for him because he’ll be right there falling with me. One who’s mature enough to not only know what he wants, but say it. A guy who is worthy of me? I don’t know exactly what type of guy that is…there’s no list…but I pray to God every day that he’s out there thinking of me and waiting for God to put me in his life. Our story won’t be plastered all over Snapchat and Facebook. We won’t be content on posting our lives for the world to see because we’ll be content with each other and those who want to be in our lives. Our story will be plastered across the heavens.
God has a plan for me that’s bigger and more perfect than anything I could ever imagine. So why would I need something as trivial as social media to remind me of the trivial things in life? I don’t. Snapchat deleted. And I might get it back. I might not. It would probably only be for the filters though 😉